Friendships and relationships both require compromise, but what happens when the lines blur?
As young adults, we all face various dilemmas. From choosing the perfect first job to deciding where to travel, or even picking which sweet treat to enjoy – each one can feel like a difficult decision.
Among these challenges, one that often complicates modern-day relationships is the choice between a friend and a partner. That was certainly the case for a soon-to-be bride and one of her closest friends.
Here's what happened: A few weeks before the wedding, a friend in the bridal party decided to pull out. Instead, she chose to attend her boyfriend’s sister’s wedding, an event she had only recently found out about.
Feeling betrayed, the bride took to TikTok to air her frustrations. The post sparked heated debates, with many people criticising the friend.
At First Glance...
At first glance, it’s easy to empathise with the bride. How could someone so easily abandon their best friend during such a significant milestone for someone they hardly know?
It's natural to vilify said friend in this situation. But as with any story, there are two sides. What would compel someone to prioritise their partner over a close friend? Why do we sometimes feel forced to choose between two people we care deeply about?
Undeniably, sacrifices are part and parcel of any meaningful relationship. In fact, one could argue that it’s one of the most significant ways to express love–whether platonic or romantic–by showing that you’re willing to put someone else before yourself.
It won’t be too far-fetched to assume then that something as vital as sacrifice would be fairly split in relationships. Yet is this division really as clear cut? Even from the Tiktok example, it’s clear that some people have to sacrifice more than others.
Choosing between a friend or a partner is never easy. Perhaps it helps to explore why these two types of relationships hold such weight in our lives.
On Relationships
For starters, friendships are founded on mutual fondness and openness, often seeking companionship, which isn’t too different from what romantic relationships provide – aside from the deeper intensity typically experienced in romantic bonds.
Despite this difference in intensity, we often hold similar expectations for both friends and partners. A key benefit of close relationships is the social support they provide – perhaps even more so in friendships, since romantic partners receive additional forms of gratification from their relationship.
Social support, whether emotional or practical, can be crucial especially during stressful or life-changing moments.
For the bride, her friend’s presence was seen as vital emotional support at a pivotal time. Weddings are not only stressful but mark a significant step in a person’s life. So, it’s understandable why many rallied behind the bride; feeling her friend failed to meet these expectations of friendship.
On Sacrifice
While the bride’s feelings are valid, we still have to consider the friend’s reasons for her choice. One possible explanation could be that she felt the need to demonstrate loyalty to her romantic relationship.
Sacrificing something now could potentially lead to her partner reciprocating in the future, reinforcing commitment in a long-term relationship. Sacrifices in this context may be viewed as investments – a way of ensuring stability in the relationship moving forward.
For the bride’s friend, missing the wedding might have felt like a necessary step to show her loyalty to her boyfriend and his family. She may believe that by choosing him now, she is securing her relationship for the future, with the expectation that her partner would do the same for her when the time comes.
There’s also an interesting angle to consider when it comes to gender roles in relationships. Traditional practices, like changing one’s surname or being “given away” in marriage, can perpetuate the idea that women are often expected to make more sacrifices.
Many women may find it difficult to express dissatisfaction, fearing it could harm their relationship, and thus feel pressured to compromise more often than they might prefer.
Although we’re not privy to the inner workings of their relationship, it’s important not to jump to conclusions about the friend. Sacrifices, combined with societal expectations, may very well explain why she chose her partner over her friend in this instance.
Love's Labour
In the end, the situation serves as a reminder that while sacrifices are essential in any relationship, too much compromise can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.
Constantly giving in may strain one’s social life outside of the relationship, as it did in this case with the bride’s friend. Ultimately, relationships thrive on a balanced, reciprocal approach, where both parties feel their needs are being considered.
And while betrayal from a friend can be painful, we should be careful not to judge too quickly. Without knowing all the details or having a proper conversation, it’s unfair to condemn someone’s choices, especially when viewed from the outside.
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