Will our dear protagonist get his very own rom-com moment? Or has he been caught in a doomed romance? Read on to find out…
The role of teaching assistant (TA) is a peculiar one. In the classroom hierarchy, the TA is second only to the prof, yet they feel much more approachable.
That doesn’t come as a surprise; they are often our university peers, and most of them have taken the same class previously.
Some of us may even know our TAs personally as friends, but as lovers?
Knowing them inside and out – it feels forbidden, like some kind of secret but passionate affair.
Yet if you think about it, there’s a strange tension even in a formal TA-student relationship. In most classes, the TA sits in a remote corner of the classroom, a watchful presence taking down students’ attendance and class participation.
Ideally, if you’re paying attention to the prof, the TA’s presence is not something you’d notice explicitly. But as you finish answering the professor and lower your gaze back down, you might’ve momentarily locked eyes with the TA as they turned around to record your participation, and maybe you’d like to imagine that there’s so much unspoken feelings between the two of you.
And one day when they entered class, perhaps you might’ve noticed that they did their hair a little differently. Or maybe they simply wore a particularly cute outfit. Perhaps you felt some butterflies when you messaged your TA to clarify a concept from class — a conversation starter justifying sliding into their DMs. You know what they say, intelligence is *so* sexy, maybe even stimulating.
Fortunately, most of us maintain a sense of professionalism and keep our impure thoughts to ourselves, accepting these experiences as nothing more than cute interactions (or maybe delusional infatuations) that keep us just a little bit more sane during a stressful semester. After all, real life isn’t a romantic comedy.
That said, funnily enough, I landed myself in a situation akin to a rom-com plot just last semester.
Dating in university with Project Aphrodite
Like most people in university, there’s a part of me that yearns for a proper shot at romance. And as much as we tell ourselves that we’re gonna “take it at our own pace”, or “focus on ourselves first”, the truth is that to even meet any potential matches, you gotta put yourself out there and start meeting people. *introvert sighing*
For better or worse, the modern dating scene offers a plethora of ways to meet new people, and the loudest siren songs are often sung by the numerous online dating apps that purport fresh and exciting experiences.
At the university level, we have our own yearly matchmaking scene: Project Aphrodite.
Supposedly, Project Aphrodite generates matches with a sophisticated algorithm that matches individuals based on genuine compatibility, rather than concepts like eugenics or something.
Strangely, for someone like me - who has tried out dating apps last year for several months, I was unaware of Project Aphrodite until my friend mentioned it in conversation and encouraged me to give it a shot.
“Eh, no harm trying,” I told myself, as I proceeded to fill out the extensive and thorough questionnaire on the Project Aphrodite website just days before the deadline. Here’s where the story truly begins.
My rom-com moment (not really…)
According to its website, Project Aphrodite is committed to giving only genuine matches i.e. those who have no compatible matches will accordingly receive no matches.
As such, I was somewhat relieved that I had a single match when the results were released. That said, I had to do a double-take as a somewhat familiar name stared at me from across the screen.
Like hold on, it can’t possibly be, right? What are the odds? (Is it truly meant to be?)
I scrolled down to view my match’s contact details, and I cross-referenced them with that of who I thought it was. Turns out I was right after all — it was indeed the TA of a class I was taking that semester.
The next obvious question in my mind was, should I even attempt to contact her?
From what I understand, in the interest of fairness, TAs have to declare if they’re dating any student in the class they’re TAing for, given their considerable input when it comes to grading, especially for class participation. (Yes, I know, some of y’all have a thing for people with power over you, but in this way, really?)
My situation fell completely in a grey area, but I obviously didn’t wanna create an uncomfortable tension for the rest of the semester. (Though I won’t lie, it makes for a funny anecdote.)
Naturally, I decided to seek the opinion of my friends. With the exception of one who was TAing for the semester, my friends (a.k.a. my enablers) surprisingly encouraged me to initiate contact. Their general rationale was that it wouldn’t be unwarranted - we just coincidentally matched on a program that we signed up for on our own accord.
Besides, the TA probably already knows what I look like as well as my general vibe. At the very least, I could simply just ask her how she felt about the whole situation and what she wanted to do about it.
Rizzing up my TA
A day or two later, after pondering a little more, I texted her on Telegram. It went something like this:
“Hellooo I have no idea how to make this less awkward but we matched on Project Aphrodite.”
“The thing is you’re my TA LOL so how should we do this?”
(Before you accuse me of being rizzless, I’m trying to be as straightforward as possible.)
At first, it seemed as if she ignored it, but just when I thought all hope was lost, she started replying.
“Hey LOL tbvh my friend signed up for me.”
“Can we just pretend this never happened :(( I’m sorry.” Okay never mind.
Truth bombs of university romance
Honestly, this absurd episode played out just as I expected.
It might’ve sounded like a perfect rom-com premise, but as the pessimist in me would say, fat chance.
Accounting for professional as well as personal factors, there is virtually no way that anything serious would arise from this. Love actually (or rather, unfortunately) isn’t all around. And for whatever reason, it has never come around to me.
But perhaps this absurdity is something we all ought to accept, especially in our romantic lives.
The singles might say that they’re working on being better versions of themselves, and those who are partnered might say that you just have to meet more people to eventually find the right person, but no matter how we try, meeting the right person is ultimately down to sheer chance.
A solitary homebody may just randomly stumble across the love of their life, while the most extroverted social butterfly might meet thousands but never encounter their one true love.
No matter how much self-improvement or socializing you do, if Cupid’s not in your corner, no relationship will blossom. That’s just life.
That said, once we swallow that hard pill, we might actually find humour in life’s unfairness.
There’s a certain tragedy in matching with my TA — it’s an impossible relationship that would never take flight, but the sheer coincidence is also kinda amusing. Honestly, what are the odds? Yeah, it isn’t a match, but it’s a funny story after all.
“Enough with the mindfulness and philosophy Andriel, I’m just here for the tea. Did anything happen after that?”, you say?
Right. Was there any chance of a happily-ever-after?
After she replied, I acknowledged her thoughts about the situation and that was it. For the rest of the semester, I texted her one time about something class-related, and she continued her TA duties, recording my class participation and presentation.
This whole episode was duly swept under the rug, unacknowledged, undiscovered, unrequited.
However, as the semester came to a close, as she walked out of the seminar room for the very last time, a question still lingered on my mind.
I was at a crossroads — run out and ask her if perhaps she was open (since the semester was over), like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill, or continue to ponder about what could’ve been, indefinitely.
And I decided to be daring. Courageous. Fearless. To embrace uncertainty and live life without any lingering regrets...!
I texted her the following day to get her permission to write this article.
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